What Will Happen to Me by Howard Zehr

Author:Howard Zehr
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Good Books
Published: 2014-12-19T00:00:00+00:00

DEALING WITH SHAME AND STIGMA

Many children in our society are separated from their parents. As we have seen, those who have a parent or parents in prison often experience a greater level of stigma and shame. These feelings are not necessarily triggered by overt expressions from other people. Many times these feelings are self-imposed by children who believe that others cannot understand their lives and so look at them differently than other children. They may interpret their teachers’ behavior, for example, as stigmatizing, even when it is not intended that way.

Shame only grows when children do not know the truth about their parents’ circumstances and are left to imagine or hear insinuations and misinformation from other children. Understandably, the shame of incarceration is likely a chief reason that caregivers withhold information. Shame, even when it’s not directly acknowledged, has a way of being subtly communicated and then assumed by children.

Children may worry that others will find out about their parents’ incarceration and make fun of them or isolate them from others in their social group. When children do not know the details of their parents’ incarceration and their peers find out and make fun of them, these children, who have now been publicly shamed, find it difficult to distinguish fact from rumor.

Children need help to separate their parents’ actions from their own sense of self so they do not internalize the stigma they’ve experienced. They also need to understand that they are not destined to follow in their parents’ footsteps.

Children need to be reassured that they are people of worth, that they are not responsible for their parents’ actions, and that they will be able, in time, to be responsible for their own lives. They need opportunities to take pride in their own accomplishments. They can develop more perspective about their circumstances if they are put in touch with other families in similar situations.

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